There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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