The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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