I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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