rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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