Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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