She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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