i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize