FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize