I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize