I'm really into asian looking animals
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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