You made me cry and you don't even care
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize