I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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