Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize