Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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