it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have feelings that need drinking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize