I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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