If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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