So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize