wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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