She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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