I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i believe in u and ur pee
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