I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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