my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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