just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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