When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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