I have demons in me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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