She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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