So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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