dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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