who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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