i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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