you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize