I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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