I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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