I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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