I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize