Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize