I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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