he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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