my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize