im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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