Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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