im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize