So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize