I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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