if i can run in heels then i can drive
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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