I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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