the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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