I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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