I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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